So by “News” in the title of this post, I mean, of course, that after a week in the wilds of Alaska, there is none. Aitor Gonzalez won the Tour de Suisse. Big deal. “The TerminAitor” (as the Aussies style him; only an antipodean could so mangle English to make that beleagured moniker make a lick of sense) wins like one important race a year and then takes the slow boat back to No-Result Island. Fresh off the “Even Older News” file, another Orangeman, Inigo Landaluze, took the overall win at Dauphine (the “other” TdF tune-up), ahead of such no-names as Levi Leipheimer, Alexandre Vinokourov, Santiago Botero and Lance Armstrong, leading me to believe that Landaluze will now go on to b the first man to win 7 consecutive Tours de France between now and 2011. Remember, you read it here first.
In less tongue in cheek ‘you heard it hear first” reporting, word on the street is that certain 40-something Adult Contemporary recording artist (let’s call her “S. Crow” – no, that’s too obvious – “Sheryl C”) has a certain one-nutted cancer survivor (hint – not John Kruk) just weeks before the final professional athletic endevour of his career. No confirmation yet, but then again, it’s not my job to check. If it turns out I’m wrong, boy am I ever going to get it on this week’s “The O’Reilly Factor.”