Pro Cycling News – Worst Readers' Poll Ever, Assorted News

Dec 31 2005

What the…? Where am I? Oh yeah, I run a cycling blog, that’s right. I’m supposed to update it every day…yeah, it’s coming back to me now. Well, before I get too hammered, I better get on an update, right? Let’s start with how friggin’ idiotic Cyclingnews’ readers are. Why even have this category? Last year, everyone was like “Tour blah blah blah record-setting 6th win blah blah”, now it’s “Tour blah blah blah Lance’s last race blah blah blah”. Too bad the racing’s been “blah blah blah” as well. Why reward the sunburnt Texans who think Team Discovery’s controlling the race and then launching Lance is mindblowing cycling strategy? God, look at these comments from last year’s poll: “The Tour is the benchmark of cycling. The Olympics means next to nothing compared to it for heavens [sic] sake”. What eludes you about the meaning of 2004 in “2004 Reader Poll Results?” Only on Judgement Day, when Cyclingnews will conduct its “Best of Worldly Existence Poll” would that be an acceptable statement.

No doubt the same dullards are responsible for choosing Hincapie’s win as the best moment of 2005. Wow, man, he got in a break, took a few pulls, sat on and then sprinted by a guy who weighs 20 pounds less than he and had been off the front since about a week into the race. I bet this is what you clowns consider “tactics”, isn’t it? It amazes me that you can watching nothing but the Tour, yet miss the fact that the last week of a dead GC race is always a desperate parade of second-tier riders striking out for a shot at first-tier glory. It is especially infuriating, considering the quality of this year’s Giro finale. I can hear you investment banking, corporate lawyering cycling bourgouise now, telling your trophy wives you know all about the Giro; it’s Lance’s helmet sponsor. Thank God The Texan’s quit the sport – you won’t be far behind. The advertizers might miss you, but I sure as hell won’t.

Ok, ok, sorry. I know, this isn’t a rant, it’s a news update. I also know that lots of corporate lawyers and investment bankers don’t have trophy wives and really do like cycling as something other than an excuse to vacation to France each July. If this weren’t so, how could webpages make money running stories on how Tom Boonen (who might still get better (scroll down)) was really the best rider of the year? And this Cipo story? Lance Fans sneeze on mere spinters. And the guys giving these awards to Armstrong, long after the fairweather fans have hung up their Madones for the winter, must be getting significant readership of their stories from somewhere to keep picking him year after year. So for those of you who take a shine to cycling beyond the single-minded aspirations of a one-nutted American, I hope to continue bringing you the best in day-old news stories (like Beloki’s drive to regain form) and sophomoric commentary (see first two paragraphs of this post or the rants section) for as long as humanly possible (or until I get a real job).

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